When you feel you know a thing, in your text books or in your bones, do you think that there remains a possibility of that thing changing?
If so, does that alter your belief in the truth of that thing, in this moment or in the future?
How comfortable are you with questioning your beliefs?
How connected are your beliefs to your values?
Could your beliefs, especially in the truth of a thing or idea, change without changing your values?
What do you do to bring yourself out of confusion?
These are some questions that follow us as we explore what we feel certain about.
Certainty, Uncertainty and Paradox
The phone number you had in youth is still the phone number you had in youth, however the phone number you have now may not be the same phone number: sameness and change, with certainty.
Gravity generally behaves in a constant manner and yet the magnetism of the poles are changing as ice caps melt and ocean temperatures shift - will the increase in water, while being affected by the moon, change the nature of gravity on our planet? Maybe: unknown change with uncertainty.
I find it fairly fruitless, and even damaging, to constantly think on or question things like the weather forecast, whether the tire pressure is good in your car tire or in the tires of the bus you’re riding, or if the seasons will present in their "right time". We only have so much control in our lives.
As for the global SARS CoV2 pandemic, our addiction to certainty was and continues to be tested. Is science static (certain) and therefore were we given false information (breach of trust)? Or is it possible that science evolves with new data (curiosity, or at least inquiry) and we tend to demand a level of security that was false to begin with (addiction to old beliefs)?
As the title of my blog says, the body does not lie. To bring it closer to home: we may believe or feel certain that we either do or do not carry a virus within us. The truth may be that we do carry some virus but it is not enough to transmit to anyone with a non-compromised immune system, at this moment.
The sameness/ certainty: we are still ourselves.
The paradoxical challenge to our beliefs: what we believe may not reflect reality.
The unknown/ uncertainty: the next moment.
These are paradoxes, at least two truths held at the same time,
and Humans are notoriously great at avoiding this grey area in thought. We want certainty, facts, truths written in stone. Even if we had these things, the stone writing will fade as water and wind do their natural and predictable acts of erosion, transforming the thing we were clinging to for stability. Change is natural, it is the only constant, certain thing.
So, what leads to that uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty? Doubt.
It's great for survival; to take a pause and assess a potential food source or situation. However, unforeseen or unimaginable doubt, doubt about capabilities, or self mastery, or trust, those doubts lead us to a special kind of uncertainty. When I have those doubts I try to engage my curiosity. Curiosity has a hard time thriving where our minds are set, where we feel certain and that we have all the answers already, when we are done thinking about something, when we are unbendable in thought.
I think we get the most stuck in a mindset when we are confused - I’d wager this leads immediately to shame and stops all flexible and potential breakthrough thinking!
If we are confused then that means we may be wrong, and most of us
feel we can’t be wrong.
We’ve been trained to be right, and the emotional consequences or
risks of being wrong are too great to fathom.
We love what we know.
We crave what we are certain about,
even when that certainty is in our opinion about who someone else is
or what they’re capable of;
something that almost always disappoints.
From my teachers in massage therapy school I heard, "Don't study what you already know." It was a revolution of sorts in my mind and I try to engage that idea every time I learn something new; sometimes I succeed.
Why would someone study what they already know? Doubt in themselves, yes, but also to self-soothe. Personally, because somewhere I felt like I needed a win, a question that I knew the answer to, a feeling of undeniable capability and rightness. That's great at the moment but ultimately doesn't get one very far.
Curiosity, and even confusion, help to open the next doors - to learn what one doesn't already know.
Sometimes curiosity fails me and I feel stuck in turmoil. When I can bring myself back around I ask: what don't I know at the moment? Am I thinking for myself or allowing myself to be pulled in many directions without a solid anchor? While I believe in a collective consciousness I also subscribe to a sense of self. We are all connected and that can get muddy. And yet, like in nature, there is a place where the mud ends and a more solid ground begins. It is that place, where we and our values meet the collective consciousness that can get sticky with doubts and addictions to certainties.
What can help alleviate the suffering of our doubt and our addiction to certainty? Resilience.
Resilience doesn’t get its strength through rigidity or through being too compromising. The strength of resilience comes from being in right relationship with yourself, so that you can understand your needs moment to moment, so that you can see the natural flow of a moment and create a measured response instead of reacting to everything that comes your way. This is a practice. In this practice there will be times of great strength (acceptance of new ideas, leading to revelations) and times of great struggle (clinging to beliefs that don’t reflect your current reality, leading to suffering).
The times that seem to bring great struggle are omens; they let us know that it is time to go within, examine where we may be unrelentingly stubborn with ourselves or others, or where we may be too flexible and possibly compromising our integrity.
This skill development requires time and patience.
It is a gift to yourself.
It is worth demanding the time and space from your world to practice.
Taking this time will give you the opportunity to show up more, hale,
and more ready to meet life's challenges each time.
Developing resilience can help us ride the wild waves of natural transformation in our lives as well as entertain ideas and thoughts pushed at us from so many human sources while retaining our personal values. It is a learnable skill that can help keep us grounded in uncertain times.
Stay curious when you find your beliefs -not your values- are being challenged, by you or other people.
Remember that you can only truly control yourself, your thoughts and your actions.
And keep in mind that moments of confusion during investigation or study mean that you are learning (:
For some tips on resiliency from the American Psychological Association, follow this link: https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
I’m certainly not the first person to entertain the idea that many of us are addicted to certainty and this bit of writing is one tip of a mighty iceberg. I highly recommend listening to the podcast, “Unlocking Us” episode in which Brene Brown interviews Esther Perel on partnerships, patterns, and paradoxical relationships.
Live full!
Emily Ball LMT RMT
*Disclaimer: the blog Big Magic, Fun Wisdom, Healing Touch by Emily Ball is meant to be uplifting, educational and fun, and is in no way intended to replace any medical advice from your primary care physician, acupuncturist, physical therapist, psychotherapist, psychologist, counselor or any other qualified medical specialist in whose care you are under. If you’ve read this blog and have questions, contact me.
© 2021 Emily Ball, All Rights Reserved